Roast Rocky's Golf Game

For just $1, we'll send Rocky an email absolutely destroying his golf game. He'll never know who sent it. Pure chaos.

Who is Rocky?

Rocky thinks he can play golf. He cannot. He's lost more balls than he's found, his swing looks like a crime scene, and he still shows up every week convinced "today's the day." It's not. The only thing good about his golf game is his apparel, thanks to Back Nine. Help us remind him.

Choose Your Weapon

Use Our Premium Roast

Professionally crafted. Absolutely brutal. Zero mercy.

Rocky,

Congratulations — someone just spent money to remind you that your golf game is a violation of the sport.

You've got the confidence of a tour player and the results of someone who just picked up the game yesterday. The disconnect is fascinating. You step up to every shot like you're about to do something incredible, and then you do something incredible — incredibly bad.

Your short game isn't a game, it's a hostage situation. The ball has no idea where it's going. Neither do you. You chunk chips, blade pitches, and skull bunker shots with a consistency that's almost impressive. At least you're reliable.

The way you blame equipment is truly remarkable. New driver didn't fix it. New irons didn't fix it. New putter definitely didn't fix it. At some point you have to accept that the problem is the thing holding all those clubs — you.

Your course management is chaos theory in action. You aim left to play your slice, but then you hit it straight (for once) and you're in the woods anyway. You try to lay up and somehow end up further back. Every decision makes things worse.

The cart girl knows your drink order because you order it on every hole. That's not golf, Rocky. That's drinking with obstacles.

But hey, at least the beer is cold. Unlike your game.

Write Your Own Roast

Got something personal? Let it out. We'll deliver it word for word.

Rocky will receive the email immediately after payment. No refunds. No mercy.

Questions

Will Rocky know who sent it?

Nope. Complete anonymity. The email comes from Back Nine Apparel. Your identity stays hidden.

Is this real?

100% real. Rocky is a real person. He really can't play golf. He really will receive this email.

Can I send multiple roasts?

Absolutely. Stack 'em up. Rocky deserves it.